Sheldon Squared
by spikespetslayer
Summary: Okay, this is Crack!fic, folks, pure Crack!fic-Sheldon's mitosis leads to an interesting pairing-Sheldon/Penny/Sheldon, and Leonard as a voyeur. M rating is for sexual situations and language. Don't blame me, blame the Pad Thai. Oh, and Risknight-she told me to post it. ;) Placed in the romance/parody category because they don't have a ridiculous category.


Sheldon Squared

_Blame Risknight-she told me to post this. Crack!fic ahoy!_

Leonard was having that nightmare again. Damn Thai food.

It always started the same way. They were eating Thai food on a Monday night. He was having pad Thai and dumplings and the others had their usual as well.

Their wardrobe changed, as did the composition of the group. Sometimes the girls were there, sometimes they weren't, sometimes just the four of them and Penny, sitting in between Sheldon and Leonard on the couch. Sometimes it was just the three of them in the apartment, Howard and Raj off doing God knew what (each other? Leonard wondered).

Tonight, it was just the three of them. Penny sat between them, glorious in her thin tank and clinging yoga pants, her legs crossed and flip flops under the coffee table in front of her. She was brushing both their legs with her knees—he loved every second of contact with her, Sheldon tolerated it as usual, his moue of disgust relaxing as the contact continued.

They chatted about inconsequential nothings as they ate, comfortable in the silences. There were many such nights in their shared past; Leonard had grown comfortable again with Penny as a friend and still hoped for a renewed relationship. He knew that she maintained a friendship with Sheldon and was glad for it; it spared him from concentrating all his efforts on entertaining the other man and let him have a social life of his own, sans Sheldon.

Penny and Leonard both put their food containers on the table, their appetites sated. Sheldon continued to eat, almost mechanically, robotic in his movements. They watched with silent awe as he consumed four helpings of his usual meal, the container magically refilling as the dream reeled out.

Sheldon split in two, as he always did in this dream, but instead of waking up the dream took on a very strange turn.

Penny stood up, looked at both Sheldons sitting there next to one another, and said, "You're in my spot," to the Sheldon on her left.

Surprisingly, he scooted over, but not far; she was pressed against both of them when she sat down. "Sheldon," she said, turning to her left, the original.

"Yes," said both of them in stereo.

She ignored the one on her right. "So if there are many Sheldons in many universes and now this universe has two, does that mean that this one will dance?"

"No," she heard from her left, while "Yes," she heard from her right.

She turned to the clone Sheldon. "You dance? Show me!"

Leonard's mind automatically supplied music and a spotlight. Sheldon 2.0 held out his hand, the floor cleared, and Penny stood, a floaty, flirty dress frothing around her knees and barely containing her breasts as Sheldon swept her into his arms.

They waltzed, they tangoed, and they did the lambada. His frakking dream had turned into some type of torturous Broadway musical starring the woman of his dreams and his best friend.

Sheldon 2.0 dipped Penny low at the end of the song and then bent his head down to kiss her.

What the frak?

Strange part was—he could _feel_ it. He could feel the pressure of his mouth against Penny's although it wasn't his mouth, but Sheldon's mouth. The other Sheldon watched from his place on the couch, both of them frozen by the tableau before them, what could never happen but somehow was happening. What could be. Possibility.

For once, he let himself sink into the dream. It had taken an intriguing turn. He wouldn't psychoanalyze why he wanted to see Sheldon and Penny fuck, because he knew that this was headed that way. He couldn't picture what either one would look like in the throes of passion; he had an imagination, though, and a fertile one at that.

He sat back in the chair (when had he moved?) and let the scene unfold.

Sheldon looked down at Penny where she rested in his arms, her hair sweeping the ground and flowing over his wrist. Her chest rose and fell heavily, her eyes glued to his as her hands clutched his shoulders.

She let one hand drift to his cheek. "Sheldon?"

"Penny," he breathed, leaning his head down to cover her mouth with his.

She was yielding and pliant in his arms. Her fingers toyed with the light sprinkling of short hair at the nape of his neck, her other hand cupping his cheek and her thumb caressing the sharp edge of his cheekbone.

He returned them to an upright position, bending slightly to maintain the pressure of the kiss. His hands caressed the silky skin of her back and shoulders, slipping beneath her hair to rest on the back of her neck and hold her in place. He slid his tongue into her mouth expertly, exploring and tasting her sweetness.

His hand moved and he had a handful of Penny, her breast slipping easily into his palm. Her nipple crinkled against his skin and he groaned into her mouth. "Penny, sweet Penny," he moaned, his thumb sweeping over her nipple and forcing a gasp from her throat.

"Oh, yeah, there," she breathed, her tongue swiping over his earlobe. Her teeth followed and he jerked in response, his hips making contact against her stomach. She felt his erection through his trousers and a bolt of desire shot through her body, surprising her with its intensity.

He bent his head impossibly low and pushed the low cut dress aside to flick his tongue where his thumb had been only moments before. As he closed his mouth around it, he could hear her deep, shuddering, indrawn breath and he felt his cock leap in his pants.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked up without pausing to see himself, his hand pulling ineffectively and trying to force him to stop what he was doing. "Sheldon 2.0, I believe that you should stop doing that to Penny. That is unacceptable treatment."

Penny held him in place with one hand and grabbed the other Sheldon by the front of his tee shirts. "Sheldon, shut up and kiss me," she said, pulling him inextricably toward her.

He was sputtering wildly when her lips crashed into his, her tongue sliding between his lips and his mind flipping into overdrive at the thought of germs, bodily fluids, what Penny was doing to him, what he was doing to Penny—it was nearly too much.

He could feel his body reacting as well. He had seen the erection in Sheldon 2.0's pants before he had stood to halt the action in front of him. He noticed Leonard watching from the edge of his seat across the room, he saw Sheldon 2.0 sneak a look his way as he engulfed Penny's nipple in his mouth, and he saw Penny herself look over at him with heavy-lidded, aroused eyes. He wanted to believe that the look was for him and not from the tactile sensations the other Sheldon was wringing from her nervous system. It forced him to stand, cross the room, and try to stop this from going further. It only put him in the center of the action.

Well, truthfully, Penny was the center of the action. One Sheldon nibbled, sucked, and pulled on her nipples with his long fingers and agile hands, the other one held her head with both hands as he found his footing and started ravaging her mouth, his tongue thrusting in and out in an inappropriate pantomime of future exploration.

Leonard sat and watched, his own erection getting hard to ignore. He did his best, his hands clasped firmly together and propped under his chin.

The floor turned into fluffy, soft bedding, decadent silks and luscious satins appearing beneath the trio's feet. Pillows were tossed where the couch and chair usually rested and the scent of incense filled the air.

Sheldon looked over at him and scoffed. "Really, Leonard? You couldn't be a little more imaginative?"

"Just go with it, Sheldon. Penny will love it," he called back.

Penny looked around her in stunned surprise. "Oh, I love it," she trilled, and Leonard looked triumphant.

"See? I told you so."

Sheldon looked back to see Sheldon 2.0 divesting Penny of her dress. It pooled at her feet and she kicked it aside without hesitation, clothed only in a pair of lacy panties that curved into the crack of her ass and split the cheeks invitingly. They beckoned his touch and he complied, cupping her ass in his hands and squeezing gently.

One of her arms came back to snake around his neck, pulling his body close to hers. He felt the brush of his own hands against the front of his chest as the _other_ him held her body still so he could continue suckling on her breasts but it didn't bother him, surprising him. Both of him. This was very confusing, he thought.

Penny didn't seem confused, though. She seemed to be moaning uncontrollably, her hands touching both of him, her mouth divided between the two of them. Sheldon 2.0 dropped to his knees in front of her and pulled her panties down her legs, baring her sex to his eyes.

Beautiful. It was the only word that could describe her—beautiful. She was wet, slick, and hot as he plunged his tongue into the slit before him. he helped her throw her leg over his shoulder, then he leaned her against _him_, cupping her breasts from behind and toying with her sensitive nipples as he reamed his tongue in and out of her, tasting her delightful flavor.

She was pinned between him by him and it was blowing her mind. One Sheldon was enough to handle—how would she manage to deal with two?

She started undressing the one behind her, one piece of clothing at a time. His shirts, his pants, his tighty-whitey underwear, she stripped him down as best she could with her concentration splintering between her need and her want. She wanted to feel them both around her, touching her and inside her and she needed him to want it too—both of him.

She felt his cock against her ass and knew that they were both on board.

She dropped heavily onto her knees and pulled Sheldon with her. She leaned forward slightly and took Sheldon in her hand between her legs, lining him up, then she backed up until his legs were immobilized, pinned by hers on the outside of his. He held onto her breasts to maintain his own equilibrium and not fall backward and one hand came back to cup his ass and press him up into her.

He found his rhythm easily and thrust up into her as she sat back on him, forcing his cock deep inside her. She dragged Sheldon 2.0 to her by his tie, pressing his fully clothed body against her as she licked her own juices off his face and chin. "I want to suck your cock, Sheldon," she said to him, and he stood to unbuckle the belt and undo his dress pants, dropping them to the floor. His boxer briefs were next, and then his suit jacket and shirt followed his other clothes to their resting place on the other side of the room.

"Whatever you want, darlin'," he drawled. Sheldon felt her pussy flutter around him and discovered that she was aroused by his Texas accent. He filed it away for further research at another time.

She sat back on him, hard, and he looked over her shoulder to see his own penis disappearing down her throat, inch by inch. He looked up to see his own face slack with arousal and the sheer eroticism of the moment almost overwhelmed him.

He thought of unsolvable paradoxes and unprovable theorems as he bent his head down to lave his tongue over her skin, paying close attention to the spot behind her ear. He moved one hand down to stimulate her clitoris and she bucked between them.

He slipped his hands into her hair and let himself slide in and out of her mouth with the same force and rhythm that he was fucking into her from underneath her. He teased her nipples, pinching and releasing them, pulling them, and grabbing her whole breast in his hands as his movements started to get more frantic and erratic on both ends.

She was pinned between them and loving every second of it.

He felt the tension spiraling out of control between them. It drew taut and pregnant as they worked as one, striving for the same goal of completion. The only sounds they could hear were the sounds of slapping flesh and sucking noises and the distant squeak of a chair as Leonard flogged his own erection, his hand quick and busy in the darkness surrounding them.

He couldn't help it—Sheldon and Sheldon fucking Penny between them was one of the most erotic and exotic things that he had ever seen, and he had surfed porn with Wolowitz one night. The way that the doppelgangers worked in tandem was a pleasure to behold and Leonard could almost imagine himself pinned between the two clones.

He shook off that thought and looked back at the trio before him.

Penny was on her hands and knees now. One of back-Sheldon's hands was buried deep in her pussy while he fucked her, stimulating her clit, while front-Sheldon fucked her face, both of them moving her back and forth between them like she was a ragdoll. He heard a high-pitched groan deep in her throat and knew without a doubt that she was close to coming—they all were. Even him.

She couldn't move, couldn't breathe, and couldn't think for the thought of Sheldon. Deep throating Sheldon, fucking Sheldon, her body so full of Sheldon that she blanked out completely and her body took over.

Her orgasm hit her so suddenly and triggered them all. When she opened her throat to shout her climax to the world, Sheldon arched into her mouth and past her tonsils deep in her throat. At the same time, Sheldon buried himself deep into her, pushing against places that she never knew she had as she pulsed around him, pulling him deeper into her as she allowed the momentum of Sheldon-in-front to press her back onto Sheldon-in-back, all of them caught in the same spiraling pleasure that built until they were close to passing out.

She dragged Sheldon-in-front down to her level, and then pulled Sheldon-in-back to her to kiss his mouth, letting him taste his own sperm on her lips. She led their faces closer to one another and finally, Sheldon kissed himself, his mouth barely brushing his own, but it was enough for her.

She fell to her side, spent, panting, and smiling. Leonard threw his tissues into the trashcan next to him and smiled at her when she caught his eye. "Good, huh?"

"Yeah, surprisingly good." She grinned and he relaxed, not even realizing he was tense until it drained from his body.

"Wow. I've never seen anything so hot in my whole life." He reached for her and she extended her hand to touch him….

….and for the first time since he was a teenager, he woke up to sloppy bed sheets and a wave of shame.

It was too late to go back to sleep after he had changed his sheets and cleaned himself up, so he went into the kitchen to make coffee. Penny stumbled through the door at seven, since she had the early shift today, and after her first cup of coffee, she noticed Leonard sitting on the couch with his own cup in his hand. Sheldon was in the kitchen cooking scrambled eggs and knew better than to speak to Penny until she had spoken to him first.

"Morning, Leonard. How are you?"

"Fine. Well, fine as I can be. I think that the Thai disagreed with me last night. It gave me strange dreams."

"Me too. I dreamed about that theory of yours, with the two Sheldons. Yeah—it was really strange." She had a very distant, secretive smile on her face—that quickly turned into a frown when Sheldon dropped the skillet full of eggs onto the floor.

He didn't say a word, just let out a strangled sound and ran down the hall into his room.

Leonard looked up at her appraisingly. "What kind of dream?"

"Well, there was dancing and—you know what? My dreams aren't that important. I'm gonna head home to get ready for work, you know? See you later Leonard!" she said, heading out the door to her own apartment.

Leonard sat on the couch for a moment, his brow furrowed. There was no way they had the same dream. And what the frak was that with Sheldon, dropping the skillet?

Probably nothing, he thought.

When he walked by Sheldon's door later, he heard his roommate humming the "Blue Danube" waltz. That was a coincidence too, right?

He wished that he could be sure.


End file.
